heartsplintered | First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

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First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

So we're legit in a Pokémon world of some kind here, aren't we.
Or at least, the fact that this fucking bird won't leave me the hell alone is leading me to think as much.
Are they typically this dumb? It's been years since I played any of these games, I don't even know what the hell it is.

Whatever.
Uh.

[He clicks the video option and it focuses on a skinny blonde teenager covered in freckles, wearing a pair of stupid triangular shades with his hair gelled into an impossible style that is currently being partially destroyed by his newfound Wingull. Dirk looks entirely less than pleased.]

I'm Dirk.

[[ooc; Apologies for the un-cut orange courier, I didn't figure it'd be in the best form to have his introduction post hidden beneath a cut.]]

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[Yes, Dirk would know all about extra-stupid hair, wouldn't he? In fact, he might know the best of all eight of them.]

You were here once before. Don't worry about it, it's normal for people not to remember being here when they come back. But as a head's up, there will be more people beyond me who remember you.

[He just smiles. Yeah, you said you didn't want an explanation but he gave you one anyway. Whatcha gonna do about it, huh? HUH?]

Hehehe, but yes. I do know what that is. It's called a Wingull, if I remember correctly, and it's your starter. Because apparently the games lied to us and there are more starter options than Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle but we also don't get a say in the matter. Though maybe that's just because we're not actually from here, who knows.

[He tries to shift imperceptibly, so John doesn't see how uncomfortable the concept of people he doesn't know remembering him makes him. God that's just fucking spooky. Also John you leave his hair the hell alone he spent hours on this.]

Heard.

[He squints upward at the Wingull and it makes a contented sound as it finally settles in his hair, squashing it down and flattening it out.]

Wingull. Uh-huh.

[He presses the bridge of his glasses into his nose for a moment in vague irritation.]

So-- John, right? If you know me you probably also know that you look a hell of a lot like the awkward lovechild of two of my close friends. What's the deal there.

[Super duper extra stupid, Mr. Just-Like-In-My-Animes-Hair.]

Oh uh...well I guess if you want to get technical, that would be because I am? Though let's replace lovechild with ectochild, yeah? Kinda has less...err...implications of...stuff.

[Stuff and things. Like sex that didn't actually happen.]

[Yes Just-Like-In-My-Animes-Hair, it's rad as fuck. You wanna go, Egbert? You wanna go?]

[His eyebrows knit together again.]

Ecto-- so you're the one that did all that? [He swears under his breath.] No wonder you look so much like Jake. Shit's eerie, man. Like, blue-eyed Jake without the island adventure bullshit. That's you.

[Sure yeah, he'll go! And when he wins, you'll have to admit that his hair is less absurd than yours.]

Ahaha, yeaaahh...trust me, I know. I was confused the first time I saw him too. I couldn't honestly tell you why the resemblance is so strong in our case compared to everyone else. But yeah, I'm the etcobiologist for our sessions.

I pressed the buttons. I made the babies. It was me.

[Considering he currently has a bird in his hair, he'll agree with that.]

Twins. Fuckin' twins, man, that's gonna psyche me out for the rest of my life. I can't even look at you. [He puts his hand over the screen for a moment.]

More seriously, though, what's with the Pokémon stint? Is this some kind of broken dream bubble?

Ahaha, yeah the fact that I look more like Jake then my actual twin is uh...yeah. Just yeah.

[Yeah.]

Though I guess technically since I am a boy and she is a girl we can't technically be identical. That's how it works with twins, right? We're fraternal...or I guess as close as you can be when you're technically ghost slime?

Anyway, I can't really answer that. I'm pretty sure it's not a dream bubble given that there are people here who have absolutely nothing to do with SBURB. But Rose has some theories that make it seem like it being dream-related might not be such a stretch? [He shrugs.] I don't know if I agree with them but there you have it. I tend to think of it as more of an alternate universe type deal.

An outrageous percentile of awkward? Yes.

Well, naturally. Though even most "identical" twins lack every similarity there is to be found-- most people just operate by height, general body type and facial structure when calling twins identical. But also given the nature of you and Jade's creation being ghost slime, as you've said, and not a natural birthing fashion, it may not qualify at all.

[He sets his jaw for a moment, hoping internally that the alternate universe aspect doesn't mean their timeline became doomed. Given the fact that he's the only Alpha kid to have shown up thusfar, the entire idea makes his stomach turn.] Makes enough sense. This world certainly doesn't seem to share in the unusual dynamics of SBURB, though that hardly means it's lacking in its own unusual affairs... [His eyes roll up to glower at his Wingull again, pointedly.]

Uhhh...

[Holy shit, Rose really does get it from her dad. Of all the Alphas, John has talked to Dirk and Roxy. But goddamn, dude.]

Yeah, um. This world definitely has those. Most of the time, things are pretty normal, but ever so often there's a case of Weird Shit that goes down. It typically doesn't last very long though, and it's usually not quite as um... [He hesitates. How to even describe this.] bull shitt-y.

[Spooky, isn't it? He's a little alarmed by Rose and their similarities, himself. He should never, ever have a vagina. That's just terrifying.]

That's good to hear. Call it a vacation. Now I just have to figure out how to make sure that Roxy, Jake and Jane aren't getting completely screwed without me.

Oh, they'll be fine, no need to worry too much. Somehow or another, it's like we never even left? Nobody is really one hundred percent sure how it actually works but...it it's definitely A Thing.

And with any luck, the three of them will find their way back here soon too. They have all been here before at least once already so I figure it's only a matter of time at this point.

Still not sure I like not being able to be in control of where I am and where I'm going. Especially not since Jake is pretty fucking incapable of taking care of himself. The girls I'm less worried about.

...Loathe as I am to say it, I think I'd really like that. We all need a fuckin' break.

Eh, you get used to it [John shrugs.] Then again, it didn't really bother me all that much to begin with. But trust me, they are all fine, even Jake.

Anyway, I'm guessing Dave is coming to get you, yeah?

[His mouth twitches a little bit at that. "Even Jake" makes it sound like he was especially worried about him, which he supposes the statement of him being nearly incapable of taking care of himself suggested as much, but-- Fuck talking about Jake is so awkward.]

[He's glad for the subject change.]

Seems like that's the plan, yeah.

[Well if it makes you feel any better, Dirk, John wasn't even...thinking about the dating thing. He just knows that Jake is a little...]

[Okay, well he's kind of hopeless when it comes to some things.]

Cool beans. Man, and you got here just in time for the holidays too, this is great.

[Change "some" things to "most" things and you've got your man. Maybe that's why Dirk was constantly giving himself an ulcer smothering the guy.]

Holiday? [What day is it?]

Yeah...you know like...Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year's. The great birthday palooza since all of you ave for Jane and I have to have your birthdays all squished up right next to each other.

[Surprise! It's November.]

...What the fuck I swear it was just April.

Ahaha, yeah that...happens sometimes. It was January when I first got here but it was my birthday when I left.

Not all universes are chronologically aligned with each other, apparently.

Goddamn. Isn't Dave the Time Guy? He needs to get on this shit.

Yeah, Dave is the Time Guy. Or was, more accurately. Now he's just "the Dave of Guy," as he puts it.

So he'd probably just tell you it's not his jurisdiction anymore or something like that if you tell him to get on his shit. Talk about a lame Time God, hahaha.

Ah, Kirigiri mentioned something like that. We don't get to keep our powers, but we get some weird Pokéquivalent of immortality. Lame, I'd have liked to get to try out the powers my fancy little asshole pants give me.

Fancy little asshole pants...? Do I want to know?

But yeah, Kirigiri is right. In a way, we sort of got an upgrade to God Tier immortality since we lost the just-slash-heroic death clause. But it was still a downgrade overall because we lost everything else. [He shrugs.]

Happens to everybody with powers though, not just us. Well...almost everyone, I should say. There have been some people with psychic abilities who have retained them in the capacity to understand Pokémon. And people who aren't humans? Say, aliens for example? They become humans here for reasons nobody has quite been able to figure out yet.

Exactly what it sounds like. Puffy pants that make me look like a fancy asshole. They're like fucking pantaloons.

Whoa, so like.. the grey kids aren't grey?

Pfffftthaha. Sounds like your class makes for some pretty awesome duds then.

[He'd ask to see them, but somehow it seems weird to just say "yo Dirk, tilt the camera down some so I can see them pantaloons."]

But nope! They are pink and squishy like the rest of us now. Granted, there are only two of them left now...

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heartsplintered - 2013-12-26 03:14 (UTC) - Expand

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ghostytrainer - 2013-12-26 07:28 (UTC) - Expand

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First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

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video; wow that was supposed to say "talked to dirk and roxy the least" + another sentence? gj self

video; okay at least i wasn't confused for naught

video; nope i'm just braindead

video; it ok.

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