heartsplintered | First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

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First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

So we're legit in a Pokémon world of some kind here, aren't we.
Or at least, the fact that this fucking bird won't leave me the hell alone is leading me to think as much.
Are they typically this dumb? It's been years since I played any of these games, I don't even know what the hell it is.

Whatever.
Uh.

[He clicks the video option and it focuses on a skinny blonde teenager covered in freckles, wearing a pair of stupid triangular shades with his hair gelled into an impossible style that is currently being partially destroyed by his newfound Wingull. Dirk looks entirely less than pleased.]

I'm Dirk.

[[ooc; Apologies for the un-cut orange courier, I didn't figure it'd be in the best form to have his introduction post hidden beneath a cut.]]

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[Sure, he could have gone with text but the video is right there so why not match it? It's less effort to record than it is to type, anyway. So here, have a kid who looks remarkably like Jake only with less of an island vibe to him. This kid is way too pale to have run around on an island shooting at monsters all day. The eyes are all wrong too...]

Hahaha, it depends on the individual Pokémon, really. Some of them are a little brighter than others. But yup! You're right. Pretty sure this is about as legit as it gets as far as Pokémon worlds go.

[John offers a little wave.]

It's been a while, Dirk. You probably don't remember me though because I'm pretty sure we still haven't met back home, but I'm John.

[You know, like John Crocker. Jane's poppop? Only...take about 70 years off.]

[Squint.]

[Dirk spends the entire time John speaks and about eighteen (point three five) seconds after he's done staring him down, eyes narrowed behind his shades. John probably can't see that much, so it just looks like Dirk's jaw slips open very slightly and his eyebrows knit together.]

[What the crap it's like a Jake and Jane clone but his hair is extra-stupid.]

...Right on that one, definitely don't remember you. But clearly you remember me. Not sure I want to know how that works.

[He changes the subject abruptly, tossing his head upward to gesture to his Wingull.] You know what this is?

[Yes, Dirk would know all about extra-stupid hair, wouldn't he? In fact, he might know the best of all eight of them.]

You were here once before. Don't worry about it, it's normal for people not to remember being here when they come back. But as a head's up, there will be more people beyond me who remember you.

[He just smiles. Yeah, you said you didn't want an explanation but he gave you one anyway. Whatcha gonna do about it, huh? HUH?]

Hehehe, but yes. I do know what that is. It's called a Wingull, if I remember correctly, and it's your starter. Because apparently the games lied to us and there are more starter options than Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle but we also don't get a say in the matter. Though maybe that's just because we're not actually from here, who knows.

[He tries to shift imperceptibly, so John doesn't see how uncomfortable the concept of people he doesn't know remembering him makes him. God that's just fucking spooky. Also John you leave his hair the hell alone he spent hours on this.]

Heard.

[He squints upward at the Wingull and it makes a contented sound as it finally settles in his hair, squashing it down and flattening it out.]

Wingull. Uh-huh.

[He presses the bridge of his glasses into his nose for a moment in vague irritation.]

So-- John, right? If you know me you probably also know that you look a hell of a lot like the awkward lovechild of two of my close friends. What's the deal there.

[Super duper extra stupid, Mr. Just-Like-In-My-Animes-Hair.]

Oh uh...well I guess if you want to get technical, that would be because I am? Though let's replace lovechild with ectochild, yeah? Kinda has less...err...implications of...stuff.

[Stuff and things. Like sex that didn't actually happen.]

And here I thought you were never coming back. I was worried we'd scared you off, Dirk.

[[Here Dirk, say hello to an equally skinny blonde teenager, though her pale skin is freckle free and she probably looks a lot like Roxy.]]

And surely your Pokemon isn't stupid. Perhaps a little thick skulled, but even the seemingly dumbest Pokemon are clever in some ways. Usually.

[He's not following John's example. Nope. Mostly because he's being lazy and laying around his room. Boring shit like propping his feet up on Pyralspite who is attempting to mother him again.

Okay so it's an embarrassement thing.]

like john said depends on the pokemon
some of them are so special they think the toilet is a kiddie pool
others actually talk to you
like psychics and shit like that
anyway yo
im dave

[Why is everyone cloning my friends and shoving them in my face holy shit.]

First there's a weird Jake and Jane sprog, and now there's a shorter-haired Roxy with purple eyes. I suddenly understand nothing about my life.

Clever? This thing? [He quirks an eyebrow.] I'll do my best to reserve judgement until it's had a chance to prove itself.

That is so horrifically unsanitary I might actually have to wash my hands for an hour.
Psychics are simultaneously rad as fuck and terrifying and I'm not entirely sure that I'm prepared to detail with something that generally lives in a ball the size of a tennis ball popping out and having a conversation in my brain.
Telekinesis, man, how does it even work.
Dave. Simple name. Since I can't see you and the other two people I've met so far have been strange amorphous blobs that resemble my closest friends and/or lovechildren of them, I'm just gonna take a wild guess and assume that the fates are tempting me and you're some kind of me-clone.
That's just a running hypothesis, though.

[Yes Just-Like-In-My-Animes-Hair, it's rad as fuck. You wanna go, Egbert? You wanna go?]

[His eyebrows knit together again.]

Ecto-- so you're the one that did all that? [He swears under his breath.] No wonder you look so much like Jake. Shit's eerie, man. Like, blue-eyed Jake without the island adventure bullshit. That's you.

i wouldnt call me a clone of you
wow did no one explain to you the way to make this less weird
someone dropped the ball here and it definitely wasnt me this time
preemptively blaming john
just saying

would you rather do this face to face chat or continue with our bright text
since youre tempting fate and all

[...]

You're one of the people who's played Sburb, aren't you?

Oh so you know the blue-eyed Jake clone.

[A really long pause, because his brain catches up with him right after he finishes typing that statement, and he realizes who Dave probably is, and his stomach drops and he has to sit the fuck down.]

[He takes a minute to collect himself, ignoring that his Wingull is fluttering unhappily in his hair. His flop to the ground disrupted his perch.]

Wow, dude, I've only just met you and you're already asking me where I live?
Isn't that a little online-stalkerish?
Sure, whatever.
I'll just flip on the video and let you figure out where the fuck I am, 'cause I sure as hell don't know.

Edited 2013-11-20 04:35 (UTC)

Cutting right to the point, aren't we?
Who's asking?

You type in colored text. That's a trend that tends to be shared by people who know of that game's existence — or so I'm told.

I'm an acquaintance of John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley, and Dave Strider, if those names mean anything to you.

[Sure yeah, he'll go! And when he wins, you'll have to admit that his hair is less absurd than yours.]

Ahaha, yeaaahh...trust me, I know. I was confused the first time I saw him too. I couldn't honestly tell you why the resemblance is so strong in our case compared to everyone else. But yeah, I'm the etcobiologist for our sessions.

I pressed the buttons. I made the babies. It was me.

actually was asking

[The view switches from text on a white screen to the ceiling fan spinning slowly above a tall lanky teenager. He reaches up and adjusts his overhead light and holds up a hand.] I meant video chat but face to face for real is cool too.

Blue-eyed Jake Clone is John Egbert resident best friend. Clone two is Rose Lalonde aka my sister.

I actually know where you are, want me to spill the deets or do you prefer surprises?

['Leeeeeaff' the plant like Eevee in his lap rolls to present him with her furry/plant belly and he automatically rubs it.]

Edited 2013-11-20 04:56 (UTC)

Well that would be because Roxy is my ectobiological mother. If it's any consolation, I got all my witticism and sassy attitude from your genes. [[There's a wink to follow that statement.]]

Either way, at least treat it with respect. The last thing you want is to be at odds with your starter. Trust me.

What did you just say about my baby?

[Considering he currently has a bird in his hair, he'll agree with that.]

Twins. Fuckin' twins, man, that's gonna psyche me out for the rest of my life. I can't even look at you. [He puts his hand over the screen for a moment.]

More seriously, though, what's with the Pokémon stint? Is this some kind of broken dream bubble?

[He can't even poker face through this expression. Congratulations, Rose, you got him.]

Jesus fucking dicks, anything even marginally related to me and children is so far beyond horrifying and you certainly fit the goddamn bill.

[He presses his glasses into his nose and clears his throat.]

I'm not gonna mistreat it, I just wish it'd find some other place to fuckin' roost.

oh come on
you have to face the facts
dj was excited about that porcelain bowl party
you show him water and its like fucking christmas all up in there
just calling it like i see it

its not like my fossil bro is that much better
he still keeps trying to make the toaster all his
and the windows
and the bathroom mirror
its like an adventure in what will reflective surface will he try to serenade next

[Did somebody ask for a manic pixie doggirl that's not technically a doggirl anymore?

No? Well, too bad, because that's what Dirk's getting, +1 green-eyed weird lovechild of Jake and Jane waving at the screen.]

Hi Dirk! It's so good to finally meet you! I'm Jade, I'm Jake's grandma-sorta!

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