Dirk Strider.

I still operate under the opinion that you are mad narcissistic and that's why you have no interest in anyone.
Also why you dream of dicks.
And...I think so?
I think it might be?
They can wear monocles.

And actually, you'd be surprised.
You should read some of the things Dave has written about some of the "Pokeritas" he's met.
Especially the ones about his lover, Rose.

From:

well of course he would
he got the mad skills
i bet hes covered in babes of the poke sort
as expected of my namesake

ugh this again
why would i dream of general dicks if i was all bothered for my own
see this is how i know youre full of it
you used to think dicks was a sign of something else buried deep in my subconscious
make up your mind

i thought we moved on from this line of discussions but no here we are six years later
wow it has been six hasnt it
like literally so
seeing as the time i told you about that we were fucking rude ten year olds

From:

He hasn't had a single egg.
Nor a single babe even remotely interested in him.
As expected of your namesake, right?

See, you're simply dreaming of your own dick.
And I can change my mind.
As you so eloquently put it, we were simply 'rude ten year olds'.

And as long as you're with me, Dave, we'll never be too far away from the dick discussion.
Especially as John and I move further in our relationship.
I'm going to have lots of questions to ask you.
And yes, it has.
Six long, glorious years.
We're going to be seventeen, Dave.
Why does that seem so crazy?
It's just seventeen.

From:

holy shit break out the pens and paper we are old as the hills
time to start jotting down a will before we explode once we hit eightteen
it seems crazy for a lot of reasons

and you set me up with that one you witch

now can we be serious for a second
were in november right
like i think thats the time but i dont have exact time
i just dont pay attention to that stuff as much here

From:

I set you up for nothing, Dave.
You set yourself up for that allllllll on your own.

And I am being very serious.
Like I am seriously freaking out about being seventeen.
And I will seriously have questions for you.
And yes, we are in November.
Maybe I should get you a calender for Christmas.

From:

check out those lies
you sat there and tittered to yourself about how id stumble over that trap in the floor and fall to my grizzly death
the winner of the bigger liar in poke world goes to one rose lalonde

youre really freaking out about one year older
really
okay with how our lives have been i can see it but im not that bothered by the big one seven
also fuck you i just havent been focusing all that much since we did that dream coma face off with creepy shadows
can we skip october from now on
last time you were possessed
this time something else tried to kill us
im all in favor of vetoing the month right off the calendar

From:

If it helps you sleep at night, Davey, then yes.
I am such a liar.

And okay I guess I'm not 'freaking out'.
It just feels really big.
It feels like an achievement.
But every year before this since I came to Johto has felt that way I guess.

Unfortunately I don't believe the months work that way but you're certainly allowed to take it up with the God of Time when you meet him.

From:

in case you forgot
let me remind you i am the god of time

From:

Here I thought you were the Dave of Guy.

From:

here in pokeland yes
dave of guy is who i am
ironic blogger and shitty comics maker

oh
yeah
when we get back i need your help getting the dark dragon species
you know the one that is blinder than a damn bat
uh deinos??

From:

Do you actually have a blog here?
I would like to follow you if you do.

Not a problem.
Do you have one you'd like to use handy or do you need my help because you'd like to use mine?

From:

not yet
im procrastinating on setting one up

id like to use yours and breed it with one of my dragons
well work it out
i need more eevee eggs so i can get all forms of eevee too
them ill have them all
why am i doing this
eevee man

From:

You should stop procrastinating.

Neither of these are a problem.
And there is no reason not to own all of them.
Really there isn't.
Eevee and their evolutions are not only very powerful, but usually very good tempered.

From:

ill do it when i get back

says the eevee guru
next thing you know youll be preaching did you pet your eevee today

anyway im out the door and into the deep blue in a sec

From:

Okay good.
Glad we had this talk.

Hey, petting any Pokemon is important.
Especially daily.
Don't get me started, Dave.
I will write a book just for you, dedicated to you, about the proper love and care to give your Pokemon.

Alright, have fun.
Be careful. <3

From:

you say that like i dont know how to take care of my bros
i got their backs covered ok

see you later
ill call when i get to teenbro

From:

wait what.

[He's been mostly watching this conversation and laughing but he kind of just choked on his own laughter at this part. What does that even mean Rose.]

[What does Dave have to do with anything.]

[What are you going to ask him.]

[What is happening right now.]

Edited Date: 2013-11-20 06:49 am (UTC)

From:

Wait what, what?

From:

[Rose, don't play dumb. It doesn't suit you.]

wait what, what do you think what?
what sort of things do you have to ask dave about that you can't ask me?

From:

Are you sure you want me to ask you?

From:

...i feel like the correct answer here is no.
like some part of my brain wants me to say no and just pretend that i didn't say anything at all here.
but i'm going to say yes anyway.
though i'm going to put in a formal request that you ask me whatever it is in a less public forum than this.
because some other part of my brain is telling me that if i really must ignore the first part, then this is the only way to save myself.

From:

[[A less public forum being yelled across the house is go.]]

Hey John! If I want to give you a decent hand job how hard do I have to jerk your penis around to make it pleasurable?

From: