heartsplintered | First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

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First Splinter ♡ Text/Video

So we're legit in a Pokémon world of some kind here, aren't we.
Or at least, the fact that this fucking bird won't leave me the hell alone is leading me to think as much.
Are they typically this dumb? It's been years since I played any of these games, I don't even know what the hell it is.

Whatever.
Uh.

[He clicks the video option and it focuses on a skinny blonde teenager covered in freckles, wearing a pair of stupid triangular shades with his hair gelled into an impossible style that is currently being partially destroyed by his newfound Wingull. Dirk looks entirely less than pleased.]

I'm Dirk.

[[ooc; Apologies for the un-cut orange courier, I didn't figure it'd be in the best form to have his introduction post hidden beneath a cut.]]

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Jesus fucking dicks, anything even marginally related to me and children is so far beyond horrifying and you certainly fit the goddamn bill.

[He presses his glasses into his nose and clears his throat.]

I'm not gonna mistreat it, I just wish it'd find some other place to fuckin' roost.

[[The expression on her face is glowing with so much satisfaction at that. She lives for picking on poor, unsuspecting Striders.]]

That's what I've been told. I prefer to think of myself as unconventional. Don't worry, dad, I'll keep the terrifying mental scars to a minimum.

Oh that's a normal bird thing. I had a Hoothoot who lived on my head. She still tries even as a Noctowl. You'll get used to it. Or perhaps you can pick up a Sudowoodo and give it a tree to perch upon.

[He wheezes just slightly.]

I didn't even raise you and you're a perfect fucking troll. [He brings one hand toward his face and puts the other partially over the screen.] Don't-- don't look at me, these tears are simply because I'm so proud of you.

...Hoothoot, Noctowl, Sudowoodo? I'm fuckin' behind on the Pokémon times, clearly. I don't know what any of those are.

Oh daddy. [[There's an overdramatic sniffle.]] I was hoping I could do something with my life that you would be proud of!

Hoothoot and Noctowl are owl type Pokemon. Sudowoodo is a rock tree. If I had Tick on me I could show you a Noctowl but unfortunately she's in the PC right now.

[A breathy chuckle, and he shifts to look back at the screen.] Consider your goal met, then.

Naw, I wouldn't have guessed. With names like Hoothoot and Noctowl, I'd have figured they were rabbits!

Wonderful. One check off my bucket list.

I know, it's surprising isn't it? But they're owls! I'll have to introduce you when you get here. But you're probably about four hundred or so Pokemon behind, yes.

Hot damn. Looks like I've got a lot of colorful ball-critters to get familiar with.

You do, but it will be fun. A wonderful reprieve from our world, in my opinion. And it gives you lots to do while you figure out how you want to spend your time here. And the variety is great.

Well. Not so much if you run out of room to hold Pokemon.

"A wonderful reprieve", sure, but... Shit was getting pretty real, back home. Seems more than a little ill-timed to be on a vacation catching 'em all.

But I guess I'll have to make the best of it, for the moment. With Birdbrain McStupid. I am gonna get my ass fuckin' handed to me.

I suppose. I guess I don't give it a whole lot of thought anymore. I've been here for three years now, the shit at home has kind of slipped my mind. [[There's a bit of a careless shrug to accompany that comment.]]

If you'd like, I have a handful of Pokemon I could lend to you if you are truly that worried about your ass. They're very good at protecting derrieres. I can also give you an egg to lovingly dote upon and hatch. I'm a breeder, so that wouldn't be any trouble if you'd like to go that route.

[He frowns just slightly, but it's not overly visible unless you pay attention to the line of his mouth.]

I'll figure out how to manage. I mean-- I can handle myself just fine, it's just that Dopey here probably can't hold his own. He's like a Magikarp, except he's got wings.

[[She's honestly paying close attention to his body language in general, wanting to make sure she doesn't step on any toes and just isn't told that she did. She doesn't really take note of it though. She's used to that reaction from people from their universe now.]]

Wingull is nothing like Magikarp, no matter how stupid you claim yours to be. At least Wingull come with attacks that will actually be effective without having to use a handful of Pokemon beforehand.

[He doesn't quite know what to do with people knowing how to watch Striders. Though he doubts she'll step on his toes, exactly-- just unnerve him.]

Fair enough. For the moment, though, his only move seems to be "roost".

Clever as your joke is, keep in mind that's an actual move now, and will likely ruin it when given to people who only possess an iota of humor.

[[Well he'll have to get used to it. She'll be doing that a lot.]]

[Hhhhh.]

Ugh, seriously? And here I thought I was being daft and shit.

Seriously. [[She snorts with a slight shrug. Behind her wanders in a Quagsire sporting a pair of shades that look strikingly similar to Dave's.

Likely because they are a pair of Dave's.]]

I hear Davey is on his way to get you. I hope you're ready for your magic carpet ride home.

Take the wind out of my sails, Pokémon world. It's chill. I'll get over it.

[He squints at those. What the crap is that Pokémon and why is it wearing aviators that is so completely ridiculous. And he wants to give all of his Pokémon pairs of his shades now holy shit. Rose what have you done.]

That seems to be the plan.

[[That Pokemon is disappearing off the screen for now.]]

Excellent. This means I'll be able to assault you with a hug sooner than I was expecting.

[[And it is now reappearing behind her, juice box in hand. Hold the phone, who's this douchebag on the screen with the cool shades? It's not Rosephine's dad or whatever, he's pretty sure. The kid is too little.

Just going to stand behind the couch, sip at his juice, and stare coolly at Dirk. Sup bro.]]

[He definitely tenses his shoulders at that notion.]

Seems like it.

[His eyebrows raise at the 'mon, and after a moment he nods his head at him.] Uh. Sup, bro.

[[That was half the point. Though when he addresses someone other than her, she glances around and--oh.]]

Do you want to meet Dirk, Prick?

[[There's a cool Quag and she moves so he can see the gear better.]]

Dirk, this is my starter Pokemon, Prick. He's a Quagsire.

[You are a cruel mistress, Rose Lalonde. He will adore the shit out of you for it when he's not the one in danger of affection.]

...Pr-- [Snort.] You named your starter Prick?

Insufferable Prick, to be exact. Dave, if you have a hard time bringing yourself to say his name. Originally he had been named after Dave because of his 'cool as a cucumber' attitude when he was just a Wooper.

The name, obviously, still fits.

Because he, like Dave, is an insufferable prick.

[Dirk is temporarily lost in snickering fucking giggles, please hold.]

[Holding.]

Given the circumstances, if I had to choose one of you lot to be my kid, I'm glad you were the one slotted. I'm sure I'll live to regret that notion/

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Video;That's what Rose is for. She gets that a lot too.

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