You said he was one of your closest friends, but rationally speaking you're aware that you were awful together because you're both assholes.

[She delivers that in a sort of deadpan that probably makes the fleeting obscenity sound really odd in her voice.]

Meaning that by breaking up, you've lost both a close friend and a romantic partner. It's possible that missing him is really just a proxy for the underlying problem of missing a sense of intimacy with someone you feel close to.

[WHICH MIGHT EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE SO EAGER TO TALK TO HER, DESPITE BARELY BEING ACQUAINTANCES, UM.]